My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
