direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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