What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
