i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
