I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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