Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
