All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
