apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
