There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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