...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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