Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
