Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
