Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
