Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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