We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
