i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
