His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize
