absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
