I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
