she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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