someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
