"it" just moved
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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