I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
