whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
