It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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