She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
