she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
FUCK WHALES
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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