I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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