just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
