ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
