ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
