I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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