you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
