DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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