We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
