dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
