i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
My dick has a subreddit
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
