My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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