What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
