I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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