She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
