My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
