I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm really busy with my period
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