I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
he was CRYING into my vagina
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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