im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
