last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You ruined the universe
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
