Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
