So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
