I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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