were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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