We named our party play list daddy issues
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Randomize
