I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize