as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
