I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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