Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
