Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i would one night stand the shit outta him
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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