nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
