felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
