Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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