I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize