i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
