I just cut my nipple shaving
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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