Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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