Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
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