So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i dont even know how to be here
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
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