you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
