the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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