This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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