Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
