how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm both gender and math confused
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
