I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
me + whiskey = a bad person
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
