you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
