Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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